


Muggles Studies: Halloween

by PunkArsenic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Halloween, Modern AU, Plotless, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5119604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkArsenic/pseuds/PunkArsenic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2015, and the Marauders' first Halloween away from Hogwarts for 7 years.</p><p>This is really just plotless jokes and banter between the marauders messing about in asdas halloween aisle, but its really fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Muggles Studies: Halloween

        “What the fuck is that?”

James pressed his face to the window of the bus, trying to keep the plastic skeleton in his sight as it shrank into the distance. Remus followed his gaze, and smirked. Of course, James had never seen a muggle shopfront in Halloween, in his sheltered pureblood childhood. In his defence, the skeleton was dancing, with disco lights pouring from its head. Muggles these days.

    James un-stuck his head from the window, grimacing at the cold condensation that dripped down onto his nose. He shoved Sirius, “Hey, buddy, did you see that?”  
   Sirius was sat with their head on Remus’ shoulder, dozing with their headphones in. James tugged out an earbud and yelled into their ear, “PADFOOOOOOOOOOOT!”  
  
    Sirius yelled, jumping and elbowing James in the nose. Hard. He turned on him, scowling, “Do _not_ \- oh Merlin, you’re bleeding!”  
  
    James _was_ bleeding, profusely, turning his laughter into a gurgle. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to shelter his clothes from the outpour.  
         “Don’t worry, I’ll-” Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand before they reached their wand. They looked at him, and he nodded at the bus crammed with muggles. Some were watching the Marauders and tutting, or shaking their heads. A few looked concerned, perhaps, but not terribly. They were sat in a row along the back of the bus, and they had been a loud and boisterous nuisance for ten stops now.  
  
  “Here,” Peter clambered across Remus and Sirius to hold out a pack of tissues to James, who started trying to take one from the pack, “Nah, you’re gonna need the whole pack.” Peter pushed them into his hands, then climbed back to his seat.  
  
    There was a pause, in which James scrunched up a tissue and shoved it up his nose, and Sirius tried to mop up the blood that had dropped onto his clothes. “So anyway,” James grinned, wiping his hands on his jeans, _“Did you see that?!”_  
  
     “See what?” Sirius frowned, looking around themself.   
  
Peter leant in to talk to Remus, “What are they on about?”  
  
   Remus smiled at him, “Muggle Halloween deco. Think we can have fun with this one?”  
  
   Peter grinned, “I think we have to.”  
  
   “More fun than the year of the whoopie cushion?”  
  
  Peter sat back, considering, “You know what? I think it could be.”  
  
  “You saw it, right, Moony?” James reached around Sirius to nudge Remus, “Right?”  
  
   Remus turned to him, “Huh? I wasn’t listening.”  
  
   “The big-” He waved his arms around, _“The skeleton!”_  
  
  Remus stifled a laugh, nodding, “Yeah, it’s just a Halloween decoration. A kinda fancy one, really. It’s plastic, James.”  
    
 James grinned, shaking his head in awe, “That… that is fuckin’ sik. Fucking. Sick. I need to get one.”  
  
  “Uh, I don’t think-”  
   
 “OUR STOP!” Peter shouted. The flow of conversation cut short by the four kids flooding down the stairs and falling out onto the pavement only just in time. James caught the disapproving looks of the departing bus, winking at a particularly disdainful old lady.   
  
     Sirius leant against the bus shelter, shaking their head, “That is the last time we are taking muggle transport.”  
  
   Remus nudged them, offering up a cigarette, “That was the first time you took muggle transport.”  
  
   Sirius took it and glanced around, before lighting it with his wand, “And it was a complete shambles. Had we apparated, we’d’ve been here half an hour ago.”  
  
    Peter covered his mouth from the smoke, “It was your bloody idea!”  
  
  “Well, you know, I’m not _always_ right! Gosh!”  
  
   “Say whaaat?” James laughed, shoving Sirius, “Please tell me someone was recording that. A historic event: Sirius Orion Black admitting they’re not always right!”  
  
   Sirius kicked him, “James _Fleamont_ Potter.” They smiled.  
  
   James stuck his tongue out at Sirius, then sat down on the bin, “Hey, so, tell us about these muggle Halloween decorations then, Moonface.”  
  
   Remus thought, then shrugged, “It’s kind of hard to just tell you, but I can show you. Peter, help me out?”  
   Peter shook his head, “Catholic family.” He imitated his father’s voice, wagging a finger, “‘Halloween is a Pagan holiday, _and_ the birthday of the Devil, _and_ a protestant invention!’”  
  
  “Eh?” James frowned, “No it ain’t.”  
  
  Peter shrugged, “Christians.” They all paused, sharing a ‘yeah, fair enough’ moment.  
  
  “Well,” Remus pushed off from the wall, crushing his cigarette underfoot, “I’ll just have to show all three of you then. Follow me.”

* * *

 

They had taken the bus to the centre of the outer-London town Remus and Sirius had made their home after moving out, and their first stop on the Muggle Halloween Educational Tour was the huge supermarket that sat in the centre.  
  
    Remus lead them straight to the Halloween aisle, although he had to stop and go back for Sirius, who had grown distracted by the rows of trollies. He eventually gave up trying to negotiate with them, and pushed the trolley Sirius had climbed into over to the others. James had a werewolf mask over his head and was dancing to the 80s classic blasting from a dancing plastic skeleton.  
  
    “Oi oi, Moony!” James waved, then pointed at the mask, “I’m you!”  
  
  James laughed more than the joke deserved, causing a contagious effect that had them all laughing. A ghost mask drifted up from the floor where it lay discarded, floating over to him. James, still dancing, turned to it, and screamed.  
  
    Sirius cackled, waving their wand in the air, “Take that bloody mask off, man! You look like an insensitive twit!” They smirked, “Hang on, you _are.”_  
  Remus rolled his eyes, whipping the mask from James and checking it for blood. Well… it wasn’t too bad… he buried it underneath some witch dresses and hoped nobody would notice.  
  
  “Alright!” Remus stood before his three friends, hands on hips, “Lesson one in muggle Halloween: the tradition of messing about in the Halloween aisle and then buying nothing.”  
  
   Sirius scoffed, “Try and stop _me_ buying a souvenir.”  
  
  “Yeah,” James picked up another werewolf mask, “You could buy this for you know,” he jigged about, “Spicing up life in the bedroom.” Remus snatched the mask from him and kicked him in the shin, “Ow! What is this? Everyone beat up James day?”  
  
    Peter turned away from the shelves of sweets, “Do I get a turn then?”  
  
   James pulled a face, “I’m scared now.”  
  
  Peter nodded, “Should be. Besides, ‘buying’ is overrated.”  
  
   He wandered over to them, popping a chewy ghost into his mouth and grinning. James looked around, laughing nervously, “Pete! There’s cameras!” He turned to Remus, “There are cameras, right?”  
  
   Peter put his hand on James’ shoulder, “Please, mate. I can handle this.”  
  
   James narrowed his eyes at him, “You sound like you have experience.”  
  
  “Oh, chill _out_ , Prongs!” Sirius grabbed James around the waist, pulling him into the trolley, “You know Wormtail, of course he has experience!”  
  
   Remus raised his eyebrows at Peter, “Call yourself a Gryffindor? Our best friends are a pair of rich tossers; there’s no need for that.”  
  
   James and Sirius sat up. “Hey, when did I agree to paying for this?”  
  
   “I don’t have muggle money!”  
  
   Remus and Peter stared them down until they buckled.  
  
  “I mean. it’s worth it, right? I was gonna buy this stuff anyway.”  
  
  “I may have… _some_ muggle money.”

Remus grinned, pushing the trolley further down the aisle, “Great! Besides, we need to buy stuff for the party.”  
  
  “What, we doing a muggle theme?” James asked.  
  
  Sirius grinned, “I love it! We are so doing a muggle theme!”  
  
  “So we need costumes, right?” Peter asked.  
  
  Remus stopped, looking the costumes up and down, “Uh… they’re all a bit shit.”  
  
 Sirius shoved James aside, clambering out of the trolley. They picked up a ‘corpse bride’ dress, “This is fifty shades of tacky…” They turned to the others, grinning, “I love it!”  
  
   “Hey,” Peter jumped out at them, waving a tacky plastic wand, “Avada kedavra!”

Remus yelled, gripping his chest and collapsing into the trolley. Sirius screamed, running to him, “Moony!” They cradled Remus’ head in their hands, spitting back at Peter, “You fucking idiot!”  
  
   James shook Remus, “Hey, Remus, this ain’t funny man.”  
  
   Sirius scowled, “If you’re playing a prank on me, Rem, I’m gonna actually-”  
  
   “OI!”  
  
  They all turned to see a security guard coming their way. Remus sprang to his feet, running and laughing. The others exchanged a quick and exhausted glance, before running after him. James tumbled out of the trolley and when they turned a corner out of the supermarket, they all disapparated.  
  
   They landed in a heap in the empty car park of the shopping centre. Remus stood, brushing himself up and wandering around, “That was pretty risky, you know. Likelihood is, somebody saw us disapparate, and then we could be in trouble with-”  
  
   “That weren’t funny, Remus!” James shouted.  
  
 Remus turned around, grinning weakly, “I thought you were all kidding too.”  
  
    Sirius sat up, putting a hand to their heart, “I personally had a heart attack.”  
  
   “Oh.” Remus shrugged, “Sorry.” He looked around, and they all nodded. Apology accepted. “Okay well, lesson one was a complete success, except now we’re probably banned from Asda and we need costumes, food, and decorations for the party.”  
  
   Peter, who was still on the ground, sucking on a stolen lollypop, said, “Poundland?”  
  
  Remus nodded, pointing at him, “Poudland and that one party shop should have us covered.” He sat down on the low wall separating the car park from the four storey drop to the street, “But it’s quite a walk...”  
  
    Sirius sat down beside him, shrugging, “Then I’ll carry you.”  
  
    Remus pulled a face, “No. That’s the most embarrassing thing ever. You’re so gay.”  
  
    “I mean, you can walk or you can get carried.”  
  
   Remus rolled his eyes, then held out his arms and legs for a piggy back. Sirius lifted him with ease, and started walking to the stairwell.  
  
   Peter stood up, “Can I have a piggy back too?”  
  
  James stared at him, thinking, “What sweets you got?”  
  
  Peter showed him the handful of Halloween themed sweets, and James shook his head, starting after the other two, “Nah, I was gonna offer a deal but I don’t like none of them.”

* * *

 

  “Now, see, Remus, wasn’t that stop totally worth it?” Sirius was grinning ear to ear, despite the struggle of keeping Remus on their back while putting in earrings. “Remus?”  
  
    Remus yawned, “I think you bought every pair of tacky earrings I was planning on getting you for your birthday. So now I have less than a week to figure something else out. So no.”  
  
   Sirius stopped in their tracks, “You were gonna get me Claires earrings for my birthday? Get off.” Remus groaned, burying his face in Sirius neck, “Okay, okay, I was kidding. Whatever.” They kept walking, “Now you’ll just have to think of something better.”  
  
   Remus shrugged, “Primark.”  
  
 “Don’t blame Moony, Pads,” James said, “We’ve all got you presents from Claires. I mean, where else would we go? You love tacky shit.”  
  
   “You would too if you were used to the _noble and most ancient_ shit.” They grimaced, “And getting slapped by a hand full of heavy and expensive metal.”  
  
    “Hey, at least we don’t have to worry about Padfoot’s costume now,” Peter sped up to level with the others, “Although I have no idea what you’re planning to make out of all that tut.”  
  
   Sirius smirked, “I’m going as Bellatrix Black in her scene phase.”  
  
   Remus laughed so violently he began coughing into Sirius’ hair.

* * *

 

After Remus fell asleep mid-aisle in Tiger (another accidental stop, Peter’s idea) Sirius decided that the day was done and bought them all McDonalds. They sat along a bench in the park that sat on the edge of town, eating and talking.  
  
  “So,” Peter wiped his hands on his jeans, then began rootling through the bags for the fiftieth time, “We’ve got lights, costumes, decorations, food -”  
  
   “And a dancing skeleton!” James interjected through a mouthful of frenchfry.  
  
   “Yup.” He frowned, “I still feel like we’re missing something.”  
  
  They all looked to Remus. He was staring into his box of chicken nuggets, trying to pick which one to eat first. He looked up, drowsily bemused, “Huh?”  
  
   “We missing anything?” Sirius repeated.  
  
   Remus shrugged, “I don’t think… oh. Fuck.” He sighed, pushing the hair out of his eyes.  
  
  “What is it? Is it serious?” James asked.  
  
   “Ehhh… Yeah.” Remus chewed on his lip, “We forgot the pumpkin.”  
  
  “Oh. That it?” James laughed, “I’ve got an entire pumpkin patch, bruv.”  
  
  “Oh yeah. Shit. Welp, we got everything, then.”  
  
   “What about treacle treating?” Peter piped up.  
  
  James threw back his head, laughing, “What the fuck is treacle treating?”  
  
 Remus laughed, smiling at Peter, “It’s your turn to hit him.”  
  
   Peter shoved James, who was already off balance from laughing, and his chips spilt everywhere. He stared at them, his mouth forming a small ‘o’.  
  
   Sirius rolled their eyes and handed James their chips.  
  
   “What Peter means is trick or treating,” Remus said, “And it’s actually a really good point. Have any of you trick or treated before?”  
  
   Sirius, James, and Peter exchanged glances, then shook their heads. “Have you?” Sirius asked.  
  
   “Only once, when I was four, but it was awesome.” He smiled, “I think we should do it.”  
  
  Peter frowned, “Aren’t we a bit old?”  
  
  Remus shook his head, “Never too old for trick or treating.”  
  
  “Okay,” Sirius sighed, “For the pampered purebloods present - what the fuck is trick or treating?”  
  
  “It’s like…” James ran his hands through his hair, thinking, “You dress up and go around people’s houses shouting ‘trick or treat!’ and it’s always treat, so they give you free sweets.”  
  
   Sirius shook their head, feigning wiping a tear from their eye, “Muggles are fucking amazing. Free sweets.”

* * *

 

  They disapparated to Sirius and Remus’ flat (‘welcome to Padfoot’s Pad! Mi casa es tu casa!’ ‘Sirius, we’ve talked about this.’ ‘Oh right, sorry Remus… welcome to the Dogs’ Den! Ma maison est ta maison!’) where James and Peter had planned to spend the night. There, Remus played them his favourite muggle Halloween films. Sirius still hadn’t entirely got to grips with television, and still tried to heckle the cast of Hocus Pocus.  
  
    After the fifth rewatch of Rocky Horror, the sun was rising and they were all tipsy and terribly tired, and drifted off in a dogpile on the sofa to the sound of Sirius humming Frank N. Furter solos.

****  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ok this was supposed to be longer, but i didnt reach the deadline bc homework and depression. have fun anyway


End file.
